


Mismatched, Missed Match

by Flight_at_Midnight



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexuality, F/F, F/M, Havolina, background royai, strong language thanks 2 olivier and rebecca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flight_at_Midnight/pseuds/Flight_at_Midnight
Summary: “Help! I think my boyfriend’s cheating on me and I need a pretty girl to test him.” A woman wants Rebecca’s help in finding out whether her boyfriend is cheating on her. Riza thinks it’s a terrible idea, so of course Rebecca decides to do it.
Relationships: Jean Havoc/Lust, Rebecca Catalina/Jean Havoc, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	Mismatched, Missed Match

_Already dated him._ Rebecca swiped left on the dating app, sending the profile of the man and the disgusting fish he proudly held to the discard pile. The next profile popped up. _Already dated her._ She swiped left again, rejecting the brunette woman. _Dated him. Dated him. Dated her._ Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left.

Rebecca sighed and nearly threw her phone off the bed in frustration. There must be someone on Central U’s campus she hasn’t dated yet. She peered at the newest profile, hoping against hope it was someone whose tongue hasn’t been inside her, and found her prayers had been answered.

A gorgeous woman with a heart-shaped face stared back at her from the screen. Solaris, age 22. Her sultry eyes screamed _your parents and friends will hate me but the sex will be worth it._ But Rebecca’s heart sank as she read the woman’s bio. “Help! I think my boyfriend’s cheating on me and I need a pretty girl to test him.”

Rebecca hesitated. On one hand, she didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s sloppy love life—her own was enough of a mess without inviting in this toxic tornado. On the other, she could swoop in, save this woman from the clutches of her philandering boyfriend, and maybe get a “thank you” date from her in return.

She decided to consult her apartment mates, her guides through her most disastrous decisions—sticking by her even after they told her not to make said decisions in the first place. Since Riza was at her boyfriend Roy’s apartment and Olivier in the engineering lab, Rebecca took a screenshot of Solaris’s bio before exiting the app. 

She opened up their group chat, The Anti-Roy Mustang Squad (named by Olivier; Riza-approved), and sent the screenshot. “Thoughts?”

Olivier responded immediately. “Fuck men. Do it.”

Rebecca laughed, despite having expected Olivier’s response.

Riza’s name flashed on the screen. “This relationship is so toxic every Geiger counter in a fifty-mile radius is probably going off.”

Yet another predictable response. Rebecca rolled her eyes as she typed her own reply. “Alright nerd. But seriously, she’s SO attractive. Why not take down the patriarchy while possibly snagging a date with her?”

“Pics???” Olivier asked. Rebecca had purposely cropped out Solaris’s picture and name.

“Nopeee sorry Livy. Don’t want you to steal her before I get a chance.”

“RUDE.” But Olivier knew it was fair—the last woman Rebecca flirted with on a night out ended up bringing Olivier home instead. Olivier had just smirked and shrugged, tossing her beautiful mane over her shoulder. Rebecca bought a bottle of peroxide the next day and stared at it for a week, contemplating how she’d look as a blonde, until Riza took mercy on her and tossed it.

Riza again. “This seems like an awful idea. You must be itching to swipe right.”

Olivier fired back. “Happily monogamous disappointments don’t get a say here.”

“>:(”

Though it was a joke, Olivier’s words bolstered Rebecca’s resolve. Despite how much they roasted Riza for her taste in men, she wanted to be as happy as Riza was with Roy. And Rebecca would never get that chance unless she put herself out there, even if the situation was suspect at best.

“I’m swiping right. Thank you ladies for your wise counsel.”

Riza’s name flashed on the screen, a warning beacon that Rebecca had already decided to ignore. “Don’t! Do! It!”

“Sorry Ri, can’t hear you with Roy’s dick in your mouth.” 

“REBECCA.” 

Giggling to herself, Rebecca exited her messages and re-entered the dating app. Solaris’s enticing eyes stared up at her once again. She swiped right on her profile, accepting the woman’s challenge. “It’s A Match!” danced across her screen and she let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

Rebecca opened the in-app messaging and began to type.

-

Solaris and Rebecca agreed to meet at Alchemy, a popular bar on campus, that Thursday night at 8. Her boyfriend worked there as a bartender, and they planned for Rebecca to flirt with him while Solaris spied on them.

Rebecca picked out her favorite shirt, the one that’d show off just enough boob when she leaned over the bar, and a tight skirt. Satisfied with her clothing and make-up, Rebecca left her room and hoped she wouldn’t encounter Olivier or Riza on the way out. She hadn’t told either of them the plan.

No such luck. Riza sat on their living room couch, a differential equations textbook open on her lap. She arched an eyebrow at Rebecca’s outfit. “Going somewhere?”

Rebecca plucked at the hem of her skirt. “Maybe?”

Eyes narrowed, Riza closed her textbook to focus her attention on Rebecca. “You’re meeting that woman to help her figure out if her boyfriend’s cheating on her, aren’t you?”

When Rebecca didn’t answer, Riza sighed and stood up. “I’m coming with you.” Rebecca began to protest, but Riza shook her head. “I won’t interfere. I just want to make sure you come home with all your organs intact so we don’t need to buy them back from the black market.”

Rebecca felt a surge of affection for her friend, but hid it with an exaggerated eye roll. “Thanks mom.”

After Riza switched her sweatpants for jeans, the women made the twenty-minute walk to the Alchemist. Riza didn’t ask about the plan, for which Rebecca was grateful—she was nervous enough without hearing Riza’s skepticism. 

“I’m gonna sit at the bar,” Riza told Rebecca as they entered the darkly lit Alchemist. “Just holler if you need anything.” Rebecca nodded then turned her attention to finding Solaris. 

Once her eyes adjusted to the gloom of the bar, she spotted Solaris in a corner booth, hidden from the bar’s line of sight.

Solaris was even more beautiful in person. Her dark hair shone despite the dim lighting of the bar, contrasting with her fair skin to make her look almost ethereal. Rebecca’s throat dried as she approached the table. 

“Hi, Solaris?”

“Rebecca.” Solaris’s voice was throaty and deep. “Thanks for coming.”

Rebecca tried not to squirm under the woman’s gaze, Solaris’s eyes practically undressing her in the middle of the bar. Whoever had the balls to cheat on someone who looked like her deserved worse than the brutal dumping he had coming. 

She sat down across from Solaris, leaning nonchalantly into the back of the booth and doing her best to give off the vibe of _yes you’re hotter than me but I know where the clit is._

Solaris licked her lips. “My boyfriend, Jean, is the blonde bartender. You just need to use your… assets,” she purred, “and I’m sure he’ll be putty in your hands. Once he gives you his number, I’ll come in and tear his ass to shreds.” 

Rebecca felt a shiver creep its way up her spine—she didn’t know if she was turned on or slightly scared of this gorgeous woman (it was both).

She gave Solaris a self-assured grin. “Leave it to me.” Solaris smiled wolfishly in return.

Rebecca made her way over to the bar, planting herself on a stool at the opposite end from Riza. The bar was busy enough that Riza probably wouldn’t see her. Probably. Riza often saw more than Rebecca expected, for better or worse.

The only blonde bartender had his back to Rebecca at the moment. As he turned around, she moved to flag him down.

Rebecca faltered as she looked at him. She had been fully prepared to hate this man, but she was having a hard time conjuring up any real indignation. Of course Jean was handsome—anyone who Solaris would deign to date was bound to be. But more than that, he had a good-natured look in his eyes and a genuine smile playing across his lips.

Jean didn’t seem to notice Rebecca’s hesitation. “What can I get you?” 

“Uh, vodka cran please.”

“Coming right up.” 

As Jean turned his back again to mix her drink, Rebecca shook herself internally. Just because a guy looked nice didn’t mean he actually was. And Rebecca wanted to help Solaris (and, more importantly, maybe get herself a date) and that’s what she was going to do, goddammit.

Jean placed Rebecca’s glass in front of her. “Open or closed tab?”

“Open,” Rebecca responded, her tone now flirtatious. She leaned on the bar to grab her drink, pushing her breasts up against the v-neck of her shirt. “I plan on staying here a while.”

Jean blinked at Rebecca’s sudden change in demeanor, but his eyes never strayed from her face. “Oh. Of course.”

Rebecca took a big sip of her vodka cran and relished how strong it was. Though she probably needed straight vodka to gather enough courage to pull this off.

“So, Mr. Bartender,” Rebecca said, pulling on her most enticing smile, “do you go to school at Central U or is this your full-time gig?”

Jean shook his head. He’d started slicing limes during the lull in customers ordering drinks, but he brought his earnest blue eyes up from the cutting board to meet hers. “Suffering law student by day, beloved bartender by night.” 

Rebecca perked up as she took another big gulp of her drink. Roy was a law student too, so she knew some of the basics. “That sounds awful. What type of law do you want to practice?”

“I’m focusing on business law to help out with my family’s business after I graduate.” He shrugged. “Not what I really want to do but family comes first.” 

She finished her drink off. Her body buzzed pleasantly, and she thanked her low alcohol tolerance for always wrecking her ass so quickly. “What do you really want to do?” 

“Be a public defender. Help the indigent defend themselves, give back to the community, yadda yadda.” He waved his hand modestly.

Rebecca looked at Jean’s kind eyes again. She hated to admit it, but he seemed like a really decent guy and not the type to cheat on his girlfriend. But if Solaris thought he was cheating, she must have some reason to.

And Solaris was waiting to catch Jean in the act—Rebecca needed to speed things up. She swallowed. “So, if I ever committed a crime, you could get me off?”

Jean flushed and laughed. “Sorry, I don’t think my girlfriend would like that very much.” 

Rebecca’s shoulders stiffened in a flash of disappointment, then relaxed in relief. “Oh no, I’m sorr—"

She was cut off by the appearance of Riza at her shoulder. 

“Riza!” Jean and Rebecca exclaimed at the same time. They glanced at each other in confusion, while Riza looked beyond done with the situation.

“I just noticed you sitting here—please don’t tell me Jean is the boyfriend.” 

Rebecca could only respond with a sheepish look. Jean’s eyes crinkled at the corners in confusion, then widened as he looked over Rebecca’s shoulder. 

“Solaris,” he groaned. “Did you put this woman up to this?”

“Baby, I just wanted to make sure you were being faithful to me,” Solaris pouted as she swayed up to the bar. “You talk to women all the time while you bartend, so of course I couldn’t just trust you.” 

Jean rubbed his face with his hand. “We’ve talked about this, I’m just doing my job. I would never cheat on you.”

Customers began to stare at the unfolding situation. Riza pulled Rebecca off her stool and to the corner of the bar as the couple continued to argue. From the tense set of her mouth, Rebecca knew Riza was refraining from a mountain-sized _I told you so._

Instead, Riza sighed. “Well, at least he might finally break up Solaris.”

“How do you know him?” Rebecca asked, eyeing the escalating argument. Solaris’s mouth had pulled itself into a small moue as she tried to explain to Jean that asking another woman to seduce your boyfriend was logical, really.

“Jean and Roy have been good friends since their first year of law school. He’s a really great guy. Roy and I have actually been trying to convince him that an undyingly jealous girlfriend isn’t, in fact, mega hot.” She cracked a small smile. “I think he might realize that now.”

Solaris angrily pointed her finger at Jean before stomping out of the bar without even a glance at Rebecca. Rebecca, though, didn’t find herself too disappointed.

With the show over, the customers started talking amongst themselves again. Riza and Rebecca walked back over to Jean, who looked like he’d been blown to pieces by Storm Solaris. 

“Well,” Jean said, eyes cast downward. “I broke up with her.” He looked up at Riza and coughed meagerly. “Maybe a girlfriend who’d call me at 3AM to make sure I was alone wasn’t my best idea.” Riza snorted.

“Sorry I went along with her plan,” Rebecca apologized. “I didn’t know that she was…” she trailed off, waving her hand in the air. “But I’m not sorry for the pick-up line because it was really good and you should probably use it some time.”

Jean laughed. “No, it’s fine, really. This whole thing finally kicked some sense into me.” He stuck his hand out over the bar. Rebecca grabbed it, its warmth sending tingles up her arm, and shook his hand. “I’m guessing you’re Rebecca, Riza’s best friend?”

Rebecca turned her head from Jean’s warm gaze to glare at Riza. “What have you been saying about me?” 

Riza held her hands up in defense. “Just that you like to speak what’s on your mind.” Throwing an unsubtle glance at Jean, she added, “And that you’re very pretty.”

Both Jean and Rebecca flushed, then realized they were still holding hands. They pulled back quickly as Riza smirked.

“So,” Jean said, clearing his throat. “I think this little event calls for drinks on me?”

Rebecca grinned—hopefully Jean would like more than just drinks on him. But she bit her tongue and sat back down on the stool, content with just drinks for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Big shout out to my friend for sending me this very real tinder profile she came across, and to the FMA discord server for encouraging me to write this :,) I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to reach out to me on tumblr at fullmetal-hellmouthchemist if you ever wanna chat :)


End file.
